


i am sea

by nokomisfics



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Implied Johnlock, Johnlock - Freeform, Not really a relationship, and yearning!sherlock, basically fluff, he's yearning for friendship, i am sea, kind of johnlock - Freeform, poem fic, poem inspired, poem related, tho, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 13:35:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2111853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nokomisfics/pseuds/nokomisfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>tl,dr: Sherlock throws a fit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i am sea

**Author's Note:**

> Full poem + credits at the end of the chapter.

**_I am sea_ **

He strides across the room, over the table and into the couch. He turns over, robe over face, heart in mouth. He is majestic - larger than life, he fills up the room with his voice and his words and his eyes - all-encompassing and breathtaking. He is awe inducing.

**_I come to you in waves,  
to crash, then pull away._ **

He is empty. He is elusive. He wakes up at sundown and doesn’t bother with a cup of tea. Then his doctor strides in and makes one for him instead. Had a good sleep? his doctor asks. He doesn’t reply, because what good is sleep if it offers him no respite? And what good are dreams if they offer him no insight? Into the depths of his soul.

That's what he would like to know.

**_I cannot be grasped._ **

"Sherlock," his doctor admonishes, much in the tone of the old lady who lives downstairs. Named after a river. Mrs. Thames? Mrs. Ganges? "Eat something, Sherlock."

You'd think someone had died. He looks into the mirror and makes out black eyes, pasty skin, a heavy soul. A scalar, full of magnitude but lacking direction.

 _The_ , his befuddled mind corrects. Not _his_ doctor. _The_ doctor.

**_I leave salt,_ **   
**where presence should be,**   
**and seashells as pardons**   
**for my inconsistency.**

He strides back down the room, into the kitchen. He zeroes in on a biscuit. He grabs it and chews noisily, for the benefit of the other man on the other couch who's glancing at him every other second.

He demands to know what's wrong.

He demands it of himself.

He stomps into his room and shuts the door, because he doesn’t know how to explain that this isn’t something a good murder and a clever criminal can solve. This isn’t something he can drown in a puzzle and forget in a game. This is intrusive and it is demanding. This is not boredom.

This is emptiness.

**_I drown love  
when it fights to float._ **

Mrs. Hudson. He knows that. He _knew_ that.

**_You wade in  
to swim on strong currents._ **

The doctor isn’t allowed in his room. He walks in anyway. He is demanding and confused, because this has never happened before and he's caught between phoning the detective inspector and notifying the British government.

He is waved away with a flick of the hand. Do not bother, he is told. This is an overdose of an entirely different nature.

**_But I am sea, and you are man._ **

There's a horse pimp, and a murder, and a case. He throws himself into it. Then three-fourths of a second later, he slams all the brakes. He's left there on the seat, contemplating the road less travelled. There's no point in rushing, he realises, because the effect will be the same.

He is a catalyst. In the midst of the storm, he will remain unchanged. He cannot, unfortunately, say the same for the doctor.

He looks over at the man; short, pudgy, dedicated but slightly nutty. Unacceptable. He will have to go.

**_A love like this  
will start storms._ **

It is not emptiness, he decides, when he's left in the wake of short, pudgy footsteps.

It is loneliness.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired heavily by this poem: 
> 
> I am sea -  
> I come to you in waves  
> to crash, then pull away.  
> I cannot be grasped.  
> I leave salt,  
> where presence should be,  
> and seashells as pardons  
> for my inconsistency.  
> I drown love  
> when it fights to float.  
> You wade in  
> to swim on strong currents.  
> But I am sea, and you are man.  
> A love like this  
> will start storms.
> 
> written by Collette - find her on tumblr at http://anxiouslyawaitingextraordinary.tumblr.com/


End file.
